First of all, let me say that I am in no way trying to embarrass anyone here. I received this email requesting help, and the topic is one I am sure is out there everywhere…so I am addressing it now. The email, in part, read:

Venus,

….thank you for replying, i’m having real problems meeting the girl of my dreams … but i’m not in her league & i need help!!! what do you do when a man approaches a woman & she brushes him off, i’m one of those who can’t do rejection very well…

---

biggest blocker of you hooking up with women

Beginning problems. What will hamper your success with women? Not dealing with them to start with.

The ability to handle inevitable problems that will arise from making progress with the dating scene. No matter how much game you have, problems will happen! They are part of life, and part of the game! In fact, problems only hone your skills to make you a better player!

I know that you do not believe that right now, but I swear to you it is true. You’re sitting there, reading this, shoulders slumped, and you are saying to yourself, “yeah but most of the time, there isn’t a problem, it’s just that I’m not her type, and I can not handle rejection well…”

Are you listening to yourself? The problem is that you actually are! Let me rephrase the question for more understanding. Are you hearing the kind of things you are saying to yourself that are not helping you move forward to success at hooking up with women? That, love, is a problem! One that you have created, for yourself, and one that you are going to have to work with me here to rid yourself of it.

So let’s start right away, like right now! Let’s look at ways to handle problems that are going to come up as you move forward toward your success at hooking up with women. You want to do this, right? I am not just wasting my time here, am I? Good, let’s begin.

The solution is really simplistic. But you must memorize this single solitary thing…(this is really important, memorize it)…

Learn To Spend 80% Of Your Time On The Solution, And Only 20% Of It On The Problem! Really, that is it, Learn To Spend 80% Of Your Time On The Solution, And Only 20% Of It On The Problem! And since this is the most important aspect of this writing, I will have you read it one more time, Learn To Spend 80% Of Your Time On The Solution, And Only 20% Of It On The Problem!

You see, what most of you do is turn these little “bumps in the road” if you will, into these ginormous (that’s a made up word by combining gigantic with enormous, like it?) problems by focusing most of your time on the problem itself! You go over it again, and again, and again what the problem is in your mind or your thoughts (by the way, I will say this from time to time, but what you think you are, you are!) making what is known in psychology as an “anchor”. It associates whatever action with the problem, then it holds you down in one place.

Like, your anchor could be, “I can’t get with her, because I would have to talk to her, and I’m not her type, and she’ll say no, then I’ll get upset and just drink myself into a pissed off state….” You are screwing yourself from the very beginning! You have probably done this many, many, many times before (spending much more time on the problem than the solution). Now, every time you see a girl you want to hook up with, you immediately start to feel ill, almost painful. Because you have associated “talking to a girl” to “can’t have her, not her type, and rejection”!

You do not have to put yourself through this, but you have to eliminate this anchor first. You need to identify the challenge, “talking to women”, and what do you have to do to eliminate the challenge (this should be your focus/anchor, not the challenge). Start by eliminating those self-doubting, negative questions like, “Why does this keep happening to me? How come I always freeze up?”.

Remember what you think you are, you are. So you work yourself up because now you are just enabling the anchor of “IF I talk to women, THEN I will have pain IN THE FORM OF self doubt, self pity, and rejection”!

Here is the steps to eliminating a problem (anchor, self doubt, nerves, etc.):

* Stop thinking about everything, and focus your mind on only the solution of this.
* Know that you have the ability within yourself to come up with the answer to this.
* Understanding the previous problem/issue, and understanding the different desired outcome.
* Wait for an answer or approach comes to you by focusing on the solution.
* Try the solution you came up with.
* Adjusting the solution by keeping parts that seemed to work, and eliminating those that did not.
* Repeat the whole process.

You should probably re-read the above a few times, as many as you want, to really, really, soak in. Go ahead, I am not going anywhere, I’ll still be here when you are done with reading the above for comprehension…

Done? Sure? I can wait…re-read them again!

Alright! See to summarize, you need to focus on a solution, understand you have it within yourself to come up with the solution, know the change you desire, get the solution, try it out, look at the results, re do the process again and again until the solution is so finely honed you are completely successful. It really is the answer for almost any issue, but especially on how to get your game on!

You have to start, though. You can not just read this, and say, “yeah, that’ll work!” then not do anything because if you talk to the girl you will get rejected.

Start now. Think about how to overcome your problem with talking with women.

If it because of nervousness, go to a shopping center, walk around and make eye contact and smile with EVERY woman there. After you feel comfortable with that, do it again, but this time add a “hello”, “hi”, “wassup”, “how you doing?”, whatever. After you are feeling comfortable, with that, you should be ready to take it to the next level and actually stop and talk to a woman. You can even practice by going up to a female employee and just starting with a “hi” and feign interest in a product if you have to. Ask her questions about it.

You are going to have to get over this fear of talking to women, and the above is really the best “step” method I know that is easy. And stop thinking about rejection! What the hell? She works there! What is she going to do, say to you, a customer,”uh, sorry, I am not interested in really talking to you..” Nope, she can’t do it, you a customer in her store. See? No rejection!

You should be asking yourself, “How can I turn this around? What is the quickest solution? How can I do it and make it fun?!!?!!”

Remember, your brain has the capability of answering any question or proposing any solution, as long as you are asking yourself the right questions (the solution), not killing yourself with the negative wrong questions (the problem).

Go do the above exercise. Have fun with it! You are not asking these women on a date…you are simply making eye contact, smiling, saying hi, or maybe even forcing a girl employee into a conversation with you, because she can not just ignore you!

Getting past this stage is going to be probably the biggest hurdle you have to jump in the process of hooking up with women. You get past this, babe, and the rest is going to be like sledding down a snowy hill…more fun, faster, and continually gaining momentum until you reach your level ground!

---

The above post can be freely used as long as this author box is with it.

Did you know that as much as half of the “super models” in the world are single? It’s true! But do you know why? Because most men are afraid to approach them. Don’t be most men, be the man…http://gotvenus.com

I’m just a girl, NOT! I am a GODDESS! And yes, Venus is my real name. I live in one of the richest cities in the world, but play in one of the worst cities in the world. I’ll teach you things…come play with me! If you want to try and understand me, and think you can handle it, you can visit me at: http://bagvenus.net

Alright Guys,

I got myself in trouble. I was having a “debate” with a friend about my methods, and other methods, and other hooking up ideas.

Long story short, I opened my mouth and stated I could create a program that could help much more than half the products out there I’m seeing. Some of the articles I read about dating and hooking up I wonder if the author even realized that’s the subject? Just because something worked one time for a man, does not make it the norm for all men, yet that is what I see a lot!

Well, I felt the sting of the words as they were spoken towards me…”prove it!”

So, I am not sure what I got myself into, but I could really, really, use your help. It is not going to be anything hard.

I would like you to send me the top 5 questions you have and want answered about hooking up, dating, or women in general.

Will you do that for me? I can give you a reason to…your questions might be part of the subject matter of my project that I have dared myself into. Plus, I might even give you some drafts while it is being created, giving YOU the first look at it and to use its methods first.

It may sound cliche’ but, help me to help you. Give me the subjects you want the most help with…please?

Okay, email your questions, suggestions to :
askvenus@myway.com

And let me thank you in advance, THANK YOU!

~Venus

P.S. By the way, did you know I have another blog? It has been up and running a while now. Go check it out! It is at http://gotvenus.blogspot.com

There was a time (so I am told) that the one night stand was primarily the man’s territory only. I suppose it could be during the past sexual repressive years.

It was suppose to go down something like this. The man quickly convinces the woman that he has feelings for her and then based on that, gets her into bed. Then in the morning he is gone or leaves. When the woman questions his feelings, he explains that they have changed, or admits that it was a flat out lie to get her into bed. He shuts the door, she collapses on the bed/floor/whatever and immediately cries as she realizes she has been used.

The repressive years are the ones that mom and dad were a happy couple, there were no extra-marital affairs. Courting was the dating theme (that’s where you date with the intention to eventually marry). And the only time sex was had outside of marriage was whores, sluts, and rapes.

The thing is, men were still finding ways to hook up with women during those time too, it just was not talked about. It was repressed, kept in the dark. I mean, how would it look if Ward told June (Leave it to Beaver, a black and white sitcom of the late 50s) he was having sex with the babysitter on the way home? Not even!

That reminds me of an old joke, “When was the first time sex was spoke of on regular tv programming?…It was on the same show, when June said to Ward at the breakfast table, Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night, don’t you?”

Those days are gone I believe. I know that the 50s image of a nuclear family and the role of a housewife are gone. But I say this, not because I’m a slut, and not because other women I know that occasionally do this are sluts either, but today, women often look to hook up for a one night stand, probably just as much as men do today.

If you are a man reading this, I actually heard in your mind say, “no shit…”. But it is true. In fact, in a previous post, “In The Game, Hunting On The Best Day Is How To Hook Up With Women” I allude to it by stating that the best day to be on the hunt is Friday, when women are likely to look for a one night stand. Okay, I did not say that exactly, but I did say Friday is the night they are most likely to release stress, and sex was a great way for us to do it.

Now you can quit fantasizing about a one night stand, and you can actually go make it happen. What? Didn’t the fact that us women look for it too boost your confidence? If you said no to that last question, you are doomed until you build that confidence up! We look for one night stands too, but we are not going to drag your shy ass from a corner and take you by the hand to do it! There is still a game afoot! And you still have to make it happen! Just now you know that some of us are going to make it easier on you.

What do you look for? Well, that one is a little more difficult. I have read other authors who suggest because a girl wears revealing clothes, that she is comfortable with her body and is looking for sex. I would not count on that.

We get dressed up and try to look as hot as we can regardless. The fact that we are going out is going to make us wear the sluttiest clothes we think we can get away with, that does not mean we want sex because of it. Do you as a man get dressed up and expect to have…uh, well, never mind, of course you do.

I think one of the biggest clues that a girl is a “cougar” (a nickname for a girl on the hunt), is if she is in a busy bar/club/other public outlet by herself. To be honest, being a social animal, we normally either want to hang out with our girls or be with men on dates. Unless she is an ultra independent “I don’t need a man” kind of woman, if she is alone chances are she is on the hunt. You will know if she continues to make eye contact with you. Three times is the charm boys, go introduce yourself to her dumb ass! Again, she is not going to come to you and take you by the hand!

You have to talk to the girl whether she’s a cougar or not! If you keep going to these places and sit in corners trying to talk with your eyes or an occasional smile, it’s going to be you and your hand again tonight! You are going to have to get over talking if you are going to hook up with women, there is no other way around it.

I’ll leave you with this thought, half (that’s right half) of the models of the world are lonely, single, and begging for a man’s attention. Wanna know why? Because no men will approach them to even talk to them. Most men have a fear that they are too beautiful and would never have a chance to get a model girl like that.

And now you know the answer to, “Why are beautiful women usually attached to ugly or cruel assholes in a relationship?” It is simple, because the asshole had the guts to go talk to her. And chances are, her options were limited.

So go on! Go hook up with women and be okay with it if it is just a one night stand! We are!

I was sort of perplexed for just a moment. But that was the question that one of my, uh, “student” we’ll call him, asked me point blank. His education had just really been started. At the question being posed so early led me to some real important clues to his internal thinking at the moment. The first thing that stuck out immediately, is that he was not really trying to be successful in dating or playing the field. His real motive was to learn this knowledge to “hook up with women” only to find a mate, perhaps “soul” mate. The second thing was the disdain in his voice when he asked the question, which showed obvious pain related to the hook up with women when women play it as a game. He had obviously wanted more than a hook up and had been the losing player of several individual games he did not realize he was playing.

Psychology plays a major role in the game. It also dictates to an individual how they will play the game and whether or not that they should even be in the game. I had to set this “student” down and hold his hand as I explained to him I could see two things: 1) he had been hurt by the game more than once, and 2) he really is not interested in the game as he is looking for a permanent partner. He, of course denied the first one and was unsure about the second. It is okay to be looking for a partner. It is just that if that is your ultimate goal, then my methodologies and teachings are going to not “harmonize” with you. What I teach and promote is how to hook up with women, not how to hook up with your ultimate woman. And with that, I sent him on his way to take a deep look inside of himself to really understand his ending goals. If he wanted to hook up with women, or did he want to find the right woman?

For the rest of you, why do I look at ways to hook up with women as a game? Again, psychology plays a major role in most everything you do whether you want to admit it or not. The fact is, hooking up is “fun” to me. Games are also “fun” to me as well. No matter what the game, their is a psychology involved in it. That psychology helps determine how you play the game. To get right to the point, you have several players, or want to be players in every game, regardless the game. But in the end, there can be only one true winner. Even though only one can win, that does not mean that the rest of the players can not have fun participating as well.

To me, the psychology itself is part of the fun of playing the game. You can bullshit whomever you want to try to, but I know that when you are trying to hook up with women, the last thing you are being is your true self. You are portraying a character that you believe will be the successful with the girl you are currently trying to hook up with. If you are certain this girls is into sports you suddenly turn into the pseudo-jock you think is going to have the easiest effort to get this girl home. If you are into the eco-nerdy type, you may not give a damn about the oil you dumped on the ground when changing the oil in you car, but you are going to try your damnedest to convince this girl how you care about the environment and how you can not believe the waste going on in the world. That is part of the psychology guys.

By the way, I have a free booklet I wrote that you can download for free at http://gotvenus.com that explains a little more about my idea of psychology and how it can help you in general terms to hook up with women. This article speaks in brief, the booklet has specifics and even examples. Get it by visiting http://gotvenus.com today.

Knowing the game is psychological in nature is what makes me the hunter and not the hunted. Knowing this can make you a more successful hunter because there are very, very few of us female hunters out there. Ironically, we have easy pickings though, because there is a vast number of you men who act like prey instead of the hunters you are supposed to be. Regardless, knowing some psychology can go a long way when you are trying to hook up with women in general.

There are generalities of the human mind, and then there are individualities that separate all of us to make us each unique. Counting on the generalities of psychology is going to give you a much more significant higher success rate than trying to manage the individualities. Basically speaking, you count on the generalities when trying to hook up with women in general, and you try to manage the individualities when you have found that special someone you are thinking you could be with as a potential mate. Like anything really you deal with in generalities, to hook up with women is a numbers game. And why would you limit yourself by trying to control the individualities? Although, if you just observe a typical bar scene, you will see men starting off with trying to hook up with women by asking and controlling the individual aspects instead of playing against the norm of generalities.

As we get further into discussions, I will be more specific about both of the subjects. This will help you decide what to put time into and what not to put time into. For example, generally speaking, most women have a complex about their looks and beauty. Individually, however, some have this subject of self worth attached to her beauty that makes this much more intense. In this case, generally, if you keep your eyes locked into hers, and never stare at her chest, or worse yet, keep having a tendency to look away during a conversation, the mental trigger (part of that psychology) is, “what is wrong with me that he is not looking at me?”. She then tries all sort of little tricks to try and gain your attention. However, individually, you could come across the two extremes of this, the girl who thinks she is uber-hot and expects you to perform everything short of circus tricks to be worthy of her to even look your way, or the girl who takes you not looking at her breasts or away as further proof that she is unworthy and so more than likely is going to give it up to you in any freaky way you want because that is the only way she feels loved and the only way she thinks she is going to get the attention. I am sure you all know some girl that is gorgeous, but for some reason she is always complaining about her weight or her bad hair days or whatever. Further, you and all your buddies have heard rumors that this girl is easy to get into the bed and will let you do just about anything.

I am not sure if that answers the question fully or not. I did get off subject a bit, but it is hard to explain how the psychology of the game is part of the game itself. It is also why I treat it as a game. Because I am not in the market to look for a mate any time soon. Thus, I am into the psychology and the game playing of hooking up. This sport is not for everyone. Especially if you are one of the needy emotional types. You know who you are. You are going to get hurt every time playing the game by my rules. You need more relationship advice, not dating advice. You are going to have more success with women over 30 who are starting to believe it is time they settle down.

Until next time, ~ Venus

Obviously, because most people work, the hunt is less likely to be successful during a week day. Monday through Thursday being the 4 “weak days” (yes the spelling is intentional). In learning how to hook up with women, it is best to start out where you are going to have the best success. Doesn’t that make sense?

Here’s the thing, when you are just starting out learning how to hook up with women, the last thing you need is continual rejection. So by observing the best day for the “Hunt”, you stand less a chance of the rejection, and more chance at success. The more successes you have, the better and faster your confidence builds, the more confidence you build the easier it is to hook up with the women. It all goes together, really, I would not try to set you up for failure, I could not have the reputation I have by doing so.

Monday through Thursday are days that are great to just go hang out casually, and spend some time, maybe a drink or two with some of your friends. The prey is pretty scarce, so knowing this from the beginning, you are not disappointed that you can not “hunt”. In the future, when you are ready, you can use these days as “set-up” days where you go have a casual coffee with a woman you are interested in, and if the vibe is right, then you set up an official weekend date, but more on that in the future. Small steps, honey, small steps.

Sunday is not a really good day either. For the most part, everybody is re-couping from their weekend frolic and folly. Besides, you can not have any good times knowing that Monday morning is just around the corner and coming up fast. Sunday is hanging out at your home in your comfy clothes, the chillaxin’ day.

Most believe that Saturday night is the night of the “Hunt”. There are some good hunting grounds to attend on Saturday, and definitely more prey at the watering hole than Sunday through Thursday. But, Saturday is really your 2nd choice, or maybe your backup plan. By Saturday most people have blown off some sort of steam or tension, and after sleeping overnight, may have come back to normal senses, subconsciously blocking the alcoholic inhibitions of the previous night. Wait, what? That is right, boys, Friday is your day!

Because Friday is the day to “Hunt” those women! We have had enough of work! Monday through Thursday probably was work related and sucked! We need to vent some pressures and some steam. We more than likely have called the pack to the watering holes before even leaving work. We are restless, we are starving for attention, and we want to have fun. Add alcohol to that already dangerous mix and our inhibitions be damned! There is no “secret” to “girls gone wild”. Just find some repressed women on Friday night and add alcohol.

And guess what? You boys can be considered part of our fun! It’s true! And how better to relieve stress and pressures of the work week than having some vigorous sex!

Take it from me, boys, Friday is THE night for the “Hunt”. There is no disputing it. And Saturday is a good secondary or back up plan. But keep in mind, if you did not get any response to your game on Friday, you will have the same or worse results any other day, including Saturday. Because I am telling you, if we are going to allow at all for any weak ass game, it is going to be on Friday night for all the reasons I have already stated above.

To the Hunt!
~Venus