Fear of dating and love

Believe it or not, many people have a fear of dating and love. Sometimes, they are not even consciously aware of it. There are usually 4 types of fear associated with dating and love.

The most common type of fear of dating and love is simply embarrassment. The fear that making contact or striking a conversation with somebody will end up with saying something or doing something that will end in embarrassment. And anybody who has put themselves in this position already knows once you are embarrassed, your game is over and so are any chances of trying to recover from it. That experience, if happened only once, will strike fear in most people from that point on.

Similar to embarrassment, is the fear of making mistakes. It is different from embarrassment, though. This fear is more based on you are going to say the wrong things, things that won’t make you embarrassed, but something like, the person likes the color red and you go on and on about the color blue. Or you think you have a good conversation going and you switch gears to another subject, which just happens to be a sore subject with the person you are conversing with, deleting all the ground you previously made.

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Confidence in yourself is the number one weapon in dating. If you have no confidence in yourself, it will definitely show through.

Every time you interact with another, lack of confidence shows through and your chances decrease tremendously before you even utter a word.

Now there is a system that is uniquely written for confidence. And because there are definite differences in the female and male perceives and gains confidence, each one is tailored to whether you are female or male. Choose the one right for you below!

Supreme Self Confidence for Women -  Supreme Self Confidence for Men

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Both fear of embarrassment and fear of making mistakes leads up to the ultimate fear, the fear of failure. The sad thing about the fear of failure is that usually, not always, but most times, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is to say that you are so concentrated on making the mistakes and becoming embarrassed, that you ultimately accept the fact that you are going to fail before you even begin. Having that pre-conceived mind set before going in usually ends of making the fear a reality, and you fail, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Understand?

You need to get a handle on these fears, which ultimately combine to create an overall fear of dating or fear of love. The best thing you can do is recognize that they exist. Then accept that you have them so that you can overcome them. Now that you know you have them and accept them, working on them will make it easier to either combat them or change your strategy based on the fact that you know that they are there.

One final fear that actually exist more in men than women, is the fear of dating and love will end in financial loss. No, I am not joking here. There are a lot men out there that mentally block themselves from dating and love because they think it will cost too much. Or worst yet, they spend way more than they should to try to impress somebody or make it appear that they are financially more solid than they really are. After all, there is a social acceptance that any man with money can get a woman regardless of looks or personality. Honestly, unless the woman is a true gold digger, money is not really an issue. If it were, then there would be a LOT of lonely broke men, and if you look around, you will see that it is just not so.

Okay, so now you know the types of fears you are up against. Enjoy the hunt and work it out. You can use this new knowledge to begin to conquer the fear of dating and love.

Gender Psychology And Hooking Up With Women

Do you know enough about gender psychology and how it affects you? What exactly is sexual impulse and why does it create desire? What two phases of these impulses exists in gender psychology and how to use this information? And the psychological affects of the sexual impulse on the woman? These are the questions that are about to be answered in the following article.

Sexual impulse is really a combination of physiological and psychological triggers working in complete harmony with the person experiencing it, and indirectly by sending signals to the nervous system. Such factors of influence include, but are not limited to the five senses. However gender psychology plays a large role as well.

For example, like a moth, scent is used in the form of pheromones that connect the scent to sexual excitation. This sexual excitation, turned into a sexual impulse, is what leads the male to seek the female with the chemical releasing of these pheromones. That is why the scent of a woman can drive a man crazy, overriding logical reaction to sexual impulse.

Regardless of being male or female, you have made a neurological association of pleasure attached directly to physical touch, and ultimately sex. This is what turns the physiological reaction of sexual excitation into the sexual impulse, influenced by the gender psychology.

Sexual impulse leading into desire really is nothing more than an extension of the childhood neurological association of pleasure, even the emotional connection of a loving feeling, to the physical touch. This started from the warmth and protection of your mother’s womb, to the loving arms of parental hugs, holding hands with your first loving attraction, and so forth. Due to gender psychology, men bond physically to this, women bond emotions to the physical action.

There are two phases in a sexual impulse; but, instead of being unrelated, or only distantly related, we see that they are really so intimately connected as to form two distinct stages in or of the same process.

The first stage is usually under the parallel influence of internal and external stimuli such as images, desires, and ideals formulated within the mind. These can be conscious or unconscious. Then the person generally is charged with energy and the person’s sexual organ congests with blood, a normal physiological reaction.

The second stage involves the sexual organ then discharging amid profound sexual excitement, complimented by intense physical stimuli, then followed by deep organic relief. Otherwise known as an orgasm.

It is of course by the first process that produces the tension in which the second process relieves. The first, taking on usually a more active form in the male, has the double affect of bringing the male himself into the condition in which discharge becomes imperative.

At the same time arousing in the female a similar ardent state of emotional excitement and sexual stimuli by the engorging of the her sexual organ. The second process has the task, directly, of discharging the tension thus produced and, indirectly, of effecting the act by which the race is propagated. In other word, that means that the orgasm is physiologically meant to release that sexual tension, while the process also has the side effect of creating life.

Mother nature is kind of tricky, huh! Knowing that the need to release sexual tension by performing the act of sex will also ensure the propagation of the human race, unless manually prohibited, by pill, condom, etc.

What does it all mean? How does it help you hook up with women?

My attempt, although perhaps too clinical, is to have you understand the underlying states that produce the sexual impulse for the purpose of you understanding that it is not just a physical draw, but a psychological connection made from a neurological connection, as well as emotional association.

For men, it simply implies that the reason for The Hunt is not only to gain pleasurable experience through sex, but it is the means necessary to relieve the physiological desire to release the pent up tension that is an automatic response created automatically by the object of his desire. You can’t help yourselves for wanting sex, more so the release of that created tension.

But for women, The Hunt is no only for the above experience as for men, but also an emotional need due to gender psychology. The issue here then becomes, that in order to be successful, you have to get through the woman’s gate keeper. Get through her emotional guard.

Knowing that women are emotionally blocking your efforts, you only need to find the keys to unlock that gate to get to the physiological animal she hides inside! Catching on?

This is the hardest part for you men. No doubt about it. Because here is the final secret to your success: you have to present yourself as the strong and virile man that will fulfill her first emotional blockage of finding a protector and provider (whether that is your intention or not) and then break her other emotional gates down by loving physical contact and connecting conversation.

Contact such as touching her shoulder, touching the back of her hand or better yet holding her hand, and the ultimate, if you can get away with it, to fit some hugs in there too. This enforces the protector, but more than that, re-constitutes her neurological association of love through physical contact.

Get past her emotional gate guardians, and it is all too easy to produce the sexual impulse within her. And this is just the physical side of the communication! Further, it has only scratched the surface!

In order to really get this to work, you need to utilize almost hypnotic verbal communication. Which means you really need to understand gender psychology.

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If you find yourself scratching your head wondering – what the hell is she talking about? Then you may need an easier solution.

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Forget about all that gender psychology. But, things dealing with psychology usually include a couch…just saying…

Maybe you should learn more about gender psychology and how to use it to hook up with women.

As a man, you are constantly looking at a woman’s body, right? So make it work for you by reading her body language to find out if she is interested to you. Observation is how to hook up with women by reading signs.

Want to know what to look for? Of course you do or you wouldn’t be here…

A woman tends to speak with her body more quickly and usually more often before she actually speaks her mind. To figure out if she is interested in you, there are few almost sure signs that she is feeling you.

The first thing to try and notice is eye contact. When you speak or she speaks (most likely if she is into you, she is just going to let you speak) she will look you directly in the eyes. In fact, she can’t seem to take her eyes off of your eyes. This is one of the biggest signs.

Another sign is her constantly fidgiting with her hair. She is twirlling in around her fingers, or she is constantly flipping it back as she talks with you. The bonus sign, she does all this while never breaking eye contact with you.

Non communication is not a bad sign. In fact, it probably is a good sign. If you find that she is not really saying much, but she is constantly smiling and laughing while looking you in the eyes, then that is the sign. A lot of times we will not speak, because we can not think of anything witty to say and we do not want to come across as a dork to you.

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Not always accurate as a sign, but if you find you keep crossing paths in a public place, this could be a sign that she is purposely putting herself in your path.

Also not always a good indicator, is touching you while she speaks. Others claim that this is a classic sign that a woman wants you, but in reality, some women have done that so much during learning their communication skills as a young girl that now it is nothing more than just a habit. Not anymore a sign than your local waitress asking you, “what’ll you have darling?”.

So, observation is the key. I will admit that us women have a tendency to speak with the body before our verbal skills. A keen man can pick up on these subtile messages and be a step ahead on how to hook up with women by reading signs.

It’s another Saturday night. You and your buds are “on the Hunt” at your favorite watering hole, “Club Get Some” (or some other club name). The music is loud and pumping. The floor is full of hot women that so far you and your friends have just watched from your table, imagining in your minds different scenarios with each of the women you see.

Sounding about right so far? I won’t bother with the drink in your hand because it is either a beer or a shot. You scan the dance floor and then the tables throughout the club trying to pick up some signal some hottie is interested in you.

Can I let you in on a secret? Men suck at picking up signals. In fact, I am sure some of you would not pick up the signal even if us women had a neon sign across our bodies saying, “HEY (insert your name here)! You could be with me tonight if you just walk up to talk to me”!

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of women that just don’t get the signals you are putting out either. But, in genral, you men are far worse!

So let your wing (wo)man, Venus, help you out with the most common signals from women that we are picking up what you are putting down…err, we are interested in taking it to the next step with you.

The first and most important sign has always come from the eyes. Or more specifically, eye contact.

Just yesterday I had the TV on in the background for noise and an episode of “Two and a Half Men” was playing (there is a point to this really). So one brother (Charlie Sheen) is teaching the other (who cares) how to pick up women at a bar (turned out his secret was to drink to the point of not caring, but I digress).

There was a scene where the teaching brother tells the other one to scan the bar and figure out what girl he absolutely wanted. Well, he makes eye contact with several women, but two were of note. One, who after eye contact, clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. Another, met his eyes and then smiled and looked down.

Of course, because this is a situation comedy, he desires the one who clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. If you are not getting the irony here, that is the only woman in the bar that he absolutely has no chance with. And he completely ignores the woman who has given him the sign that she is interested in him. That’s right, the one who purposely made eye contact, smiled, and looked down.

The most important item you should have taken out of that long drive to make a single point was, any woman who makes eye contact with you directly, then smiles and looks down is good to go. That is your flag man waving you in for a landing, top gun.

Especially if she initiates the eye contact, that is she is already staring at you when you happen to catch her looking. And the whole smile and look down thing is a subconscious act by her showing a sort submission to you. Don’t go crazy yet, we do this all the time, we can’t help it. It is just an invitation, not a sure thing!

In fact, there are several more subconsciously submissive things women do when we are interested in somebody, so read on and learn our secret body language!

Staying with the whole “down” movement above, the head will give you signal information as well. Like the eyes looking down, a head movement downward with the look is a good sign. We tend to bow our heads when we are interested, think of any Geisha you have ever seen. She immediately looks down like she was ashamed she was caught looking at you. We can’t help it, it just happens.

On the other hand, if our head stays up and it, as well as our eyes, roll up into our head or go to one side or the other, you’re bumming. When we aren’t interested, we purposely and consciously look away with our heads completely level or even high. It is sort of a signal saying, “I have checked you out, and have decided that you are not worthy of my time and affection”.

Other “it’s a go!” signs can be seen by observing a woman’s whole body. I mean, you are going to look at it anyways, so you might as well see if there is a signal there or not, right?

If a woman thinks she is interested in you, her whole body will tell you in one of two different ways. She will face her entire body towards you, but keep her head pointing in the direction of other attentions, like her drink, her friend, or even another guy. Or you will notice that her body is doing whatever your body is doing. This is not subtle, so don’t think, “Hey, I’m sitting, she’s sitting, oh yeah it’s on!”. You will see that it is very exacting. You hold your arms a certain way, she does the same thing. You put your torso in a different direction than your waist, she will follow suit.

If you find that whatever your body movements are, she is responding in kind, than that is indeed the signal. Or again, if she just puts her whole front towards you but cocks her head to the side to talk to somebody, that is the other one. Especially if you notice that she is copying you and not the person she is with.

Okay, one final signal coming from the body! Watch her mouth, specifically her lips. When a woman finds a potential that she is interested in, she starts fidgeting with her lips in some way. Like, she keeps licking them while she talks, she keeps playing with the straw in her drink, she rubs her fingers on them or near them unconsciously quite a bit, she chews on a nail, and finally, she may suck in her lower lip and sort of bite down on it with her top teeth. These are all very subtle, but the expert observer will notice it.

Those are the signals. Now that you are aware of them, use them to your advantage. If you pay attention properly, you will be able to realize which girls in the club are approachable and already accepting you. It makes for a much easier hunt, and gets you to the point of the hookup versus walking around getting rejection. Or worse yet, just sitting there with your buddies and doing nothing.

Seriously, do not think we women do not know what you are there for. And if you are sitting all night with your buddies, then it is obvious to us you have nothing to offer. Why? Because we know in reality if you were not on the hunt, you and your buddies would be in some sports bar playing pool, not in a dance club pretending you are into the music.

Good luck on the hunt!

There are five things that a man must do in his appearance to hook up with the women too. The first thing is to make sure that…I’ll teach you things…come play with me…got Venus? http://gotvenus.com If you want to read some of my thoughts, and are adult, you can visit my thoughts at: http://bagvenus.net

There was a time (so I am told) that the one night stand was primarily the man’s territory only. I suppose it could be during the past sexual repressive years.

It was suppose to go down something like this. The man quickly convinces the woman that he has feelings for her and then based on that, gets her into bed. Then in the morning he is gone or leaves. When the woman questions his feelings, he explains that they have changed, or admits that it was a flat out lie to get her into bed. He shuts the door, she collapses on the bed/floor/whatever and immediately cries as she realizes she has been used.

The repressive years are the ones that mom and dad were a happy couple, there were no extra-marital affairs. Courting was the dating theme (that’s where you date with the intention to eventually marry). And the only time sex was had outside of marriage was whores, sluts, and rapes.

The thing is, men were still finding ways to hook up with women during those time too, it just was not talked about. It was repressed, kept in the dark. I mean, how would it look if Ward told June (Leave it to Beaver, a black and white sitcom of the late 50s) he was having sex with the babysitter on the way home? Not even!

That reminds me of an old joke, “When was the first time sex was spoke of on regular tv programming?…It was on the same show, when June said to Ward at the breakfast table, Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night, don’t you?”

Those days are gone I believe. I know that the 50s image of a nuclear family and the role of a housewife are gone. But I say this, not because I’m a slut, and not because other women I know that occasionally do this are sluts either, but today, women often look to hook up for a one night stand, probably just as much as men do today.

If you are a man reading this, I actually heard in your mind say, “no shit…”. But it is true. In fact, in a previous post, “In The Game, Hunting On The Best Day Is How To Hook Up With Women” I allude to it by stating that the best day to be on the hunt is Friday, when women are likely to look for a one night stand. Okay, I did not say that exactly, but I did say Friday is the night they are most likely to release stress, and sex was a great way for us to do it.

Now you can quit fantasizing about a one night stand, and you can actually go make it happen. What? Didn’t the fact that us women look for it too boost your confidence? If you said no to that last question, you are doomed until you build that confidence up! We look for one night stands too, but we are not going to drag your shy ass from a corner and take you by the hand to do it! There is still a game afoot! And you still have to make it happen! Just now you know that some of us are going to make it easier on you.

What do you look for? Well, that one is a little more difficult. I have read other authors who suggest because a girl wears revealing clothes, that she is comfortable with her body and is looking for sex. I would not count on that.

We get dressed up and try to look as hot as we can regardless. The fact that we are going out is going to make us wear the sluttiest clothes we think we can get away with, that does not mean we want sex because of it. Do you as a man get dressed up and expect to have…uh, well, never mind, of course you do.

I think one of the biggest clues that a girl is a “cougar” (a nickname for a girl on the hunt), is if she is in a busy bar/club/other public outlet by herself. To be honest, being a social animal, we normally either want to hang out with our girls or be with men on dates. Unless she is an ultra independent “I don’t need a man” kind of woman, if she is alone chances are she is on the hunt. You will know if she continues to make eye contact with you. Three times is the charm boys, go introduce yourself to her dumb ass! Again, she is not going to come to you and take you by the hand!

You have to talk to the girl whether she’s a cougar or not! If you keep going to these places and sit in corners trying to talk with your eyes or an occasional smile, it’s going to be you and your hand again tonight! You are going to have to get over talking if you are going to hook up with women, there is no other way around it.

I’ll leave you with this thought, half (that’s right half) of the models of the world are lonely, single, and begging for a man’s attention. Wanna know why? Because no men will approach them to even talk to them. Most men have a fear that they are too beautiful and would never have a chance to get a model girl like that.

And now you know the answer to, “Why are beautiful women usually attached to ugly or cruel assholes in a relationship?” It is simple, because the asshole had the guts to go talk to her. And chances are, her options were limited.

So go on! Go hook up with women and be okay with it if it is just a one night stand! We are!

I was sort of perplexed for just a moment. But that was the question that one of my, uh, “student” we’ll call him, asked me point blank. His education had just really been started. At the question being posed so early led me to some real important clues to his internal thinking at the moment. The first thing that stuck out immediately, is that he was not really trying to be successful in dating or playing the field. His real motive was to learn this knowledge to “hook up with women” only to find a mate, perhaps “soul” mate. The second thing was the disdain in his voice when he asked the question, which showed obvious pain related to the hook up with women when women play it as a game. He had obviously wanted more than a hook up and had been the losing player of several individual games he did not realize he was playing.

Psychology plays a major role in the game. It also dictates to an individual how they will play the game and whether or not that they should even be in the game. I had to set this “student” down and hold his hand as I explained to him I could see two things: 1) he had been hurt by the game more than once, and 2) he really is not interested in the game as he is looking for a permanent partner. He, of course denied the first one and was unsure about the second. It is okay to be looking for a partner. It is just that if that is your ultimate goal, then my methodologies and teachings are going to not “harmonize” with you. What I teach and promote is how to hook up with women, not how to hook up with your ultimate woman. And with that, I sent him on his way to take a deep look inside of himself to really understand his ending goals. If he wanted to hook up with women, or did he want to find the right woman?

For the rest of you, why do I look at ways to hook up with women as a game? Again, psychology plays a major role in most everything you do whether you want to admit it or not. The fact is, hooking up is “fun” to me. Games are also “fun” to me as well. No matter what the game, their is a psychology involved in it. That psychology helps determine how you play the game. To get right to the point, you have several players, or want to be players in every game, regardless the game. But in the end, there can be only one true winner. Even though only one can win, that does not mean that the rest of the players can not have fun participating as well.

To me, the psychology itself is part of the fun of playing the game. You can bullshit whomever you want to try to, but I know that when you are trying to hook up with women, the last thing you are being is your true self. You are portraying a character that you believe will be the successful with the girl you are currently trying to hook up with. If you are certain this girls is into sports you suddenly turn into the pseudo-jock you think is going to have the easiest effort to get this girl home. If you are into the eco-nerdy type, you may not give a damn about the oil you dumped on the ground when changing the oil in you car, but you are going to try your damnedest to convince this girl how you care about the environment and how you can not believe the waste going on in the world. That is part of the psychology guys.

By the way, I have a free booklet I wrote that you can download for free at http://gotvenus.com that explains a little more about my idea of psychology and how it can help you in general terms to hook up with women. This article speaks in brief, the booklet has specifics and even examples. Get it by visiting http://gotvenus.com today.

Knowing the game is psychological in nature is what makes me the hunter and not the hunted. Knowing this can make you a more successful hunter because there are very, very few of us female hunters out there. Ironically, we have easy pickings though, because there is a vast number of you men who act like prey instead of the hunters you are supposed to be. Regardless, knowing some psychology can go a long way when you are trying to hook up with women in general.

There are generalities of the human mind, and then there are individualities that separate all of us to make us each unique. Counting on the generalities of psychology is going to give you a much more significant higher success rate than trying to manage the individualities. Basically speaking, you count on the generalities when trying to hook up with women in general, and you try to manage the individualities when you have found that special someone you are thinking you could be with as a potential mate. Like anything really you deal with in generalities, to hook up with women is a numbers game. And why would you limit yourself by trying to control the individualities? Although, if you just observe a typical bar scene, you will see men starting off with trying to hook up with women by asking and controlling the individual aspects instead of playing against the norm of generalities.

As we get further into discussions, I will be more specific about both of the subjects. This will help you decide what to put time into and what not to put time into. For example, generally speaking, most women have a complex about their looks and beauty. Individually, however, some have this subject of self worth attached to her beauty that makes this much more intense. In this case, generally, if you keep your eyes locked into hers, and never stare at her chest, or worse yet, keep having a tendency to look away during a conversation, the mental trigger (part of that psychology) is, “what is wrong with me that he is not looking at me?”. She then tries all sort of little tricks to try and gain your attention. However, individually, you could come across the two extremes of this, the girl who thinks she is uber-hot and expects you to perform everything short of circus tricks to be worthy of her to even look your way, or the girl who takes you not looking at her breasts or away as further proof that she is unworthy and so more than likely is going to give it up to you in any freaky way you want because that is the only way she feels loved and the only way she thinks she is going to get the attention. I am sure you all know some girl that is gorgeous, but for some reason she is always complaining about her weight or her bad hair days or whatever. Further, you and all your buddies have heard rumors that this girl is easy to get into the bed and will let you do just about anything.

I am not sure if that answers the question fully or not. I did get off subject a bit, but it is hard to explain how the psychology of the game is part of the game itself. It is also why I treat it as a game. Because I am not in the market to look for a mate any time soon. Thus, I am into the psychology and the game playing of hooking up. This sport is not for everyone. Especially if you are one of the needy emotional types. You know who you are. You are going to get hurt every time playing the game by my rules. You need more relationship advice, not dating advice. You are going to have more success with women over 30 who are starting to believe it is time they settle down.

Until next time, ~ Venus

Obviously, because most people work, the hunt is less likely to be successful during a week day. Monday through Thursday being the 4 “weak days” (yes the spelling is intentional). In learning how to hook up with women, it is best to start out where you are going to have the best success. Doesn’t that make sense?

Here’s the thing, when you are just starting out learning how to hook up with women, the last thing you need is continual rejection. So by observing the best day for the “Hunt”, you stand less a chance of the rejection, and more chance at success. The more successes you have, the better and faster your confidence builds, the more confidence you build the easier it is to hook up with the women. It all goes together, really, I would not try to set you up for failure, I could not have the reputation I have by doing so.

Monday through Thursday are days that are great to just go hang out casually, and spend some time, maybe a drink or two with some of your friends. The prey is pretty scarce, so knowing this from the beginning, you are not disappointed that you can not “hunt”. In the future, when you are ready, you can use these days as “set-up” days where you go have a casual coffee with a woman you are interested in, and if the vibe is right, then you set up an official weekend date, but more on that in the future. Small steps, honey, small steps.

Sunday is not a really good day either. For the most part, everybody is re-couping from their weekend frolic and folly. Besides, you can not have any good times knowing that Monday morning is just around the corner and coming up fast. Sunday is hanging out at your home in your comfy clothes, the chillaxin’ day.

Most believe that Saturday night is the night of the “Hunt”. There are some good hunting grounds to attend on Saturday, and definitely more prey at the watering hole than Sunday through Thursday. But, Saturday is really your 2nd choice, or maybe your backup plan. By Saturday most people have blown off some sort of steam or tension, and after sleeping overnight, may have come back to normal senses, subconsciously blocking the alcoholic inhibitions of the previous night. Wait, what? That is right, boys, Friday is your day!

Because Friday is the day to “Hunt” those women! We have had enough of work! Monday through Thursday probably was work related and sucked! We need to vent some pressures and some steam. We more than likely have called the pack to the watering holes before even leaving work. We are restless, we are starving for attention, and we want to have fun. Add alcohol to that already dangerous mix and our inhibitions be damned! There is no “secret” to “girls gone wild”. Just find some repressed women on Friday night and add alcohol.

And guess what? You boys can be considered part of our fun! It’s true! And how better to relieve stress and pressures of the work week than having some vigorous sex!

Take it from me, boys, Friday is THE night for the “Hunt”. There is no disputing it. And Saturday is a good secondary or back up plan. But keep in mind, if you did not get any response to your game on Friday, you will have the same or worse results any other day, including Saturday. Because I am telling you, if we are going to allow at all for any weak ass game, it is going to be on Friday night for all the reasons I have already stated above.

To the Hunt!
~Venus